You're in Clare Country!

Murphy's Law Strikes Again

    Don't you hate it when the forces of nature conspire with each other to make you look like an idiot?

One Friday night, I was staring intently in my wardrobe, trying to decide what to change into for drinks with an old uni pal (Nicolle).  I had sweated in my t-shirt & jeans that day after a very nice lunch at Becasse courtesy of a research agency.  The unrelenting sun beat down on me as cab after cab passed me by on my way back to the office. 

Back to my wardrobe problem - I was in a panic because Ravi & I had to leave soon in order to get to the Rose Hotel on time.  Ravi suggested I wear what I was wearing yesterday - I hadn't sweated in those clothes (being in air-conditioned comfort that whole day) & my shirt & skirt were hung neatly on a hanger (so I wouldn't need to iron them).  Ravi said the chances of anyone from work seeing me at the bar that night were pretty slim.  I listened to him (in hindsight, why, oh why did I listen to him?!) & so changed into my outfit of yesterday.

When we arrived at the Rose Hotel (Ravi, Lilanee - another uni friend - & I) who did we see but another uni friend (Barbara) sitting at a table inhabited by people from the advertising agency my work does all their below-the-line advertising through!  What made it worse was that I sat through a 4-hour workshop with one of them (Nick) yesterday - in this very same outfit!  I was mortified!  I tried hiding behind Ravi but Nick saw me & came over to give me a drunken hug & kiss.  What are the chances?  What are the chances?  About 98% in my case.

Don't you feel sometimes that Someone 'upstairs' is laughing at you?

Lilanee, Ravi & I ended up catching up with Barbara since Nicolle failed to show up.  Apparently no-one called Nicolle about her email invite (and she was already on holidays when I emailed her back a few days later saying we were coming) so she thought no-one was free to catch up.

An exasperating thing happened at the post office the other day . . .

One day Clare & Ravi went to the Post Office to arrange a box of presents to be sent to Ravi's parents in Sri Lanka.  The presents (6 items ranging from clothes to a customised Kikki calendar decorated with photos, flowers & stars) were still in their original packaging but Clare had purchased tissue paper in order to wrap each present individually & place it tastefully in the mailing box.  Clare had also purchased a Christmas card.  The following recounts the exchange between Clare & Ravi which could be heard by Post Office patrons unfortunate enough to be within earshot.

Clare: Okay, you write in the card & I'll pack the presents in the box.
Ravi: Right.  (Takes out the card from the envelope, holds pen above card & pauses)  Okay, what do I say?
Clare: (Sighs) Oh for God's sake.  Okay, I'll write the card.  You pack the presents in the box.
Ravi: Right.

Clare finishes writing in the Christmas card & turns to Ravi.

Clare: Is this okay?
Ravi: Yep, that's good.
Clare: Have you finished packing the presents?
Ravi: Yep, all done.
Clare: (Puzzled) Why is the tissue paper still in the packet?
Ravi: I didn't use it.
Clare: But then how did you wrap the presents?
Ravi: I didn't.  I just took the presents out of the original wrapping & stuffed them in the box.
Clare: (Exasperated) Oh, for God's sake!  I'll wrap the presents!

Geez louise!

Mr Forgetful takes care of it

Funny thing happened when Mr. Hyde resigned.  We had invited Mr. Hyde to come back to the office for Friday night drinks where we would present him with his farewell gift & card for his 7 years of service.  Racked with guilt for the part I played in his resignation, I offered to go out & purchase his farewell gift & card but Mr. Forgetful said, "Don't worry about it.  It's taken care of."  That was Thursday.  On Friday afternoon at 3pm (2 hours before Mr. Hyde was expected to turn up for his farewell drinks), I get a phone call from Mr. Forgetful who was at a meeting offsite.

Mr. Forgetful: Clare, can you do me a favour?
Clare: Sure.  What is it?
Mr. Forgetful: Can you go & get Mr. Hyde's present?
Clare: Are you serious?  It's 3pm!  He's going to be here in 2 hours!  You said it was taken care of!
Mr. Forgetful: It was taken care of.
Clare: How can it be taken care of?  You don't have the present!
Mr. Forgetful: It's taken care of in the sense that it was put on my list of things to do.  But I didn't get a chance to do it.
Clare: Oh, for God's sake!  Do you have the card?
Mr. Forgetful: Oh, you'll need to get that too.  Thanks.
Clare: (Silence)

I ran to the nearest shopping centre, got him a gift voucher, raced to the newsagency, got a big farewell card, ran back to the office & whizzed around the floor getting people to sign it.  Little Miss Fun took the card downstairs to get more farewell messages.  By the time Mr. Hyde arrived, the present was wrapped & the card was signed.

Just when I thought all was well, Little Miss Splendid (Mr. Forgetful's boss) came up to me & asked, "Is Mr. Forgetful here?  He needs to make the speech.  I don't know anything about Mr. Hyde to say anything."  Little Miss Splendid was also giving a farewell speech for another departing employee (Little Miss Happy) & wanted to have both farewell speeches done at the same time, meanwhile Little Miss Happy needed to leave for another function, & Mr. Forgetful was nowhere to be seen - see my dilemma!

I called Mr. Forgetful on his mobile.

Mr. Forgetful: Hello?
Clare: Are you close by?  Little Miss Splendid wants to do the farewell speeches now because Little Miss Happy needs to leave soon.
Mr. Forgetful: I'm in a cab right now.  I should be there in half an hour.
Clare: Are you serious?  Half an hour?  It's 5pm now & you knew Mr. Hyde was going to be here at 5pm.
Mr. Forgetful: But my meeting ran overtime.
Clare: But Little Miss Splendid wants to do the farewell speeches now.
Mr Forgetful: If Little Miss Splendid is happy to do both speeches now, I'm happy for her to be happy & do Mr. Hyde's speech.
Clare: Okay, I'll tell her.  (Hangs up.)
Little Miss Splendid: So, what did he say?
Clare: He said if you're happy to do Mr. Hyde's speech, he's happy for you to do it.
Little Miss Splendid: I'm sure he is, the bastard!
Clare: (!!)
Little Miss Splendid: Quick, give me something I can use in Mr. Hyde's farewell speech!
Clare: Umm, he's worked here for 7 years....Err, he's worked in the marketing team, followed later by a stint with the networks team....Umm, he rides a motorbike....he lives with his mother....
Little Miss Splendid: (!!)

Little Miss Splendid did Mr. Hyde's farewell speech, managing to string along the sparse material I gave her to a full 30 seconds.  Mr. Forgetful arrived just in time to hear the end of it.  When he arrived . . .

Clare: I am going to kill you!
Mr. Forgetful: I'm sorry.  My meeting went overtime.
Clare: I think you need to re-define what 'taken care of' means....

Image originally uploaded by ~BranchDesign.

I Won the Maths-Off!

To help Captain Booger Features in mathematics, Ravi & I decided to get him the Mathemagic Computer Tutor.  The sales rep came to our house last weekend and gave a solid 2-hour demonstration of what it can do.  What sold us on its merits was it's impact on the captain.  When the sales rep started talking to the captain about his maths work at school, the captain was very reticent at talking about it.  Maths is not the captain's favourite subject at school (he prefers Science & Technology).  But after 'playing' with the maths program on the laptop, the captain was even asking to 'play' some more with the maths problems.  He became animated, talkative & thoroughly engaged in the program.  We could actually see how the captain was quickly picking up maths concepts on the fly - with enthusiasm!

The sales rep picked up on the rivalry between Ravi & I (is it really that obvious?) so while he filled in the necessary paperwork he proposed a Maths-off.  He gave us a test of 10 maths questions designed for a Year 8 student.  Before he signalled time I was able to answer 7 out of the 10 questions (which I got right) while Ravi was able to attempt 2 out of 10 questions (he got 1 right).  Hehe - looks like I won the Maths-off!  Questions are below.  If you want the answers, let me know & I'll email them to you.

(1) What is 19% of 200?

(2) 9e2mq + 7em2q + 3em2q + 6e2mq = ?

(3) (6a5b3 + 3a3b3)/3a3b2 = ?

(4) Solve for x:
     2x - 6 = -x

(5) 5a2(3a2 + 2a) + 5a2(5a2 + 2a) = ?

(6) Subtract expressions -3a+2b-7c and -a-3b+11c

(7) Solve (3x - 2y)(x + 4y)

(8) ((-25y)(-3z))/-5 = ?

(9) Subtract expression 7nq+9n+9q and -2nq+5n+2q

(10) (a) 2(-3xy2) 3 = ?

Picture originally uploaded by cleverpun.

What Captain Booger Features thinks I do for a living....

                                                                               Last weekend, Captain Booger Features & I went with Ravi to his work since he needed to do a few last-minute things before his work launch in Canberra on Monday.  I had spent the previous weekend stuffing envelopes for Ravi (like I say, behind every succesful man is a woman with blisters & paper cuts), so his work was becoming almost a second home to me!

While we waited for Ravi, I asked Captain Booger Features what he thinks I do for a living.  Ravi & I don't usually talk to the captain about work stuff - he might overhear our nightly conversations about what transpired during the day but he's usually pre-occupied with more interesting things like cars & Xbox games.  A couple of years ago I asked him what he thought I did for a living and he replied, "Maths" so I was hoping for a different answer (particularly since he's seen where I currently work - pictured).  I wasn't expecting him to say "Market Intelligence Manager" but I certainly expected something that alludes to a lot of smarts.  Our conversation went something like this....

Me:  So, what do you think I do for a living?  What do you think I do to earn money?
CBF:  Watch tv, play sudoku puzzles, play table tennis & foosball.

Captain Booger Features is obviously being influenced by the pay tv set-top box hooked up to a monitor on my desk which plays pay tv 24/7, my routine of tackling sudoku puzzles before I go to bed, & the presence of a table tennis table & foosball table at work (funny that he missed the pool table).  Our conversation continued.....

Me:  What do you think Ravi does for a living?
CBF:  He's a manager.  He goes to meetings & drives around a lot.
Me:  Whose job seems more fun - mine or Ravi's?
CBF:  Yours, Mum.
Me:  Whose job do you think is more important - mine or Ravi's?
CBF: Ravi's.
Me:  What???
Ravi:  (On the other side of the divide) hahahaha!!

And to think, Captain Booger Features came from MY loins!!!!

Meeting characters

I love encountering 'characters' - people who are pods rather than peas.  Think quirky, eccentric, Kramer.  There's one such character at work.  I think he's a programmer - he's always fiddling around with set-top boxes and watching television.  Let's call him Pod.  Today he kindly cleared the boardroom of people for me.  Every time I spot him on the floor I am always reminded of 3 incidences involving him:

(1) Every time I pass his desk to get to the printer he always seemed to be watching 'Friends' reruns.

(2) He used to sit opposite me with a dividing wall separating our desks.  One afternoon I heard sounds coming from his area which sounded like panting.  Intrigued, I pretended to go to the printer just to see what he's up to, only to find him intently watching porn!  That was at lunchtime.  By close of business, the panting had graduated to far more distracting noises & grunts!  How long can someone watch porn in one sitting???

(3) Before becoming my neigbour he actually used to sit where I currently sit.  One morning I spotted him snooping around my desk.  The following conversation ensued....
Me:  Looking for something, man?
Pod:  Have you seen my nuts?
Me:  (Pause) Excuse me?
Pod:  I keep them in a jar.
Me: (Thinking back to his penchant for porn) You're looking for your nuts in a jar?
Pod: (Pause) That didn't come out right.  Let me say it again.  I used to keep my salted peanuts in a jar around here.
Me:  (Pointing to a jar of nuts on top of a filing cabinet next to Pod)  Like those peanuts there?
Pod: (Smiling)  Yeah!  Funny, I didn't see them there.  Thanks, mate.

Picture originally uploaded by mayching.

Living with a Disability

Ravi's tendency to forget movies, television shows, books, anything vaguely entertaining, as soon as he stops watching / reading it can bring with it some interesting challenges.  But we manage.  Case in point.  Tonight.  Ravi & I were watching television when an advertisement for NCIS came on.

Ravi:  Do we like NCIS?

Clare: No.  We find it pretentious.

Ravi:  Oh.  Okay.  (Resumes eating his dinner.)

Picture originally uploaded by Woolloomooloo.

Someone Missed Me

    The flight back from Robina was less than ideal.  It was delayed by an hour & when we finally arrived in Sydney air space, we had to circle the airport for 30 minutes.  The lights on 2 runways had busted so they were only using one runway for all international & domestic arrivals & departures.  Then our landing was quick, sudden & rough (implying that our pilot only had a window of a couple of minutes to land the thing!  The stewardesses were still wheeling the refreshments cart when the pilot made the sudden descent!).  Tired, dizzy & tired, I trudged into the arrivals lounge to find Ravi waiting for me, hidden behind a huge bunch of bright-coloured flowers!  I could have cried.  I smiled instead & said, "So, what did you do?"  Note the fake ladybirds positioned on some of the yellow petals.  I missed you too, Ravi!

Selective Blindness

On Tuesday nights we normally opt for take-out food because Captain Booger Features plays futsal & by the time we get home we're too buggered to cook anything.  Even though the captain didn't play futsal tonight (he had a runny nose and slight cough last night & I didn't want the cold wet weather to exascerbate it), tradition is tradition - we went to a Vietnamese restaurant in Newtown & ordered take-out.  While we were waiting for our food, the restaurant hostess smiled at the captain and said to me, "Your son looks very good."  Now I'm used to receiving comments from complete strangers on how cute the captain looks so I gave her my usual reaction to that comment - an appreciative smile & "Thank you."  But she floored me with her next observation: "He looks just like his father."  What, what, what?!  I glare at Ravi who has the audacity to smile broadly.  What am I?  Chopped liver?!  I looked over at the waiter who was divvying up the tab.  Why was he cracking a smile too?!  This doesn't mean that Ravi is better-looking than me.  It just means that we won't be eating there anymore....

1st Day Enthusiasm

Remember that feeling?  First day at school, first day at work, first day of holidays, first day on an overseas trip.....that exhilaration one feels at embarking on something new.....

Ravi started his new job last Monday & he was all kitted up in a new pin-striped suit, shirt & tie for the occasion (pictured).  It was like sending off Captain Booger Features to school on his first day - but without the packed lunch (or my tears - how embarrassing!).

Just realised.  I've felt 1st Day Enthusiasm 9 times in my life.  That's a lotta jobs to go through (& I'm only 31!)....