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What bid would my life attract on eBay?

Inspired by the story about a guy from Wollongong putting his life/identity up for sale on eBay (I think the highest bid is currently AUD$30,700), I wondered what bids my life would attract if I put my life/identity up on eBay:

• Mum to a precocious superhero called Captain Booger Features who loves his cars but will try to get out of taking afternoon naps or showers if you're not on the ball.
• Partner & arch-nemesis to Ravi who insists on being superior to you (in IQ, looks, income-generating capacity, dancing ability, cooking) despite beating him consistently in Scrabble, having to teach him what button to press on the TV remote in order to change between 2 channels, & him not understanding the movie "Oscar & Lucinda."
• Working at a fun job for a funky employer conducting research & number-crunching (will impart to you all I know - should take less than a day).
• Has a Mum who makes every dish taste divine and a Dad who harbours a fascination for libraries locally & around the world.
• A large contingent of friends, particularly from previous jobs/employers who I have inherited along the way.  They will treat you exactly the same way they treat me so you should have tough skin to deflect the constant bagging/insults (awe & respect still pending).
• Have 3 enemies (but you don't have to be concerned about them because you'll never see them).
• Must attend weekly poker nights (you will be hosting poker nights on alternating weeks).  After being 2nd on the leaderboard for 2006, I have still yet to score on the leaderboard for 2007.  Feel free to change this unlucky run.
• Writer credits for a play being staged in July 2007.  Author of an ebook called "Roberta: the Faerie Tales."  Monthly royalties will continue to go to me.
• Star Trek fan - must be prepared to attend the next Star Trek convention in Sydney.
• Will fail all personality tests when going for a job so you must avoid them at all costs (something about having problems with authority figures, yada, yada, yada)

Bids, anyone?  Anyone?

3 is not the magic number

I'm free!  I'm free!  Technically, not really because I'm locked into another 2-year contract but anything to get away from my LG mobile phone on the 3/Hutchison network!  For 2 (long & painful) years I have endured countless problems with the 3 network & my mobile phone unit, 3 thereby violating the terms of my phone contract with them many times (& yet they refused to allow me to get out of my contract, preferring to squeeze every cent out of me - as soon as my contract expired, I was outta there).  With all its fancy-shmancy 3G technology capabilities, it failed to do the basics - like make calls consistently.  Problems I experienced were:

• Dropping out while I was in the middle of calls
• Unexplained lperiods of no reception - sometimes weeks at a time
• Sometimes only allowing me to make emergency calls (forcing me to take the battery off, then put it back on in order to fix it)
• Screen freezing
• One time my phone memory was wiped for no reason & I lost all my contacts' details, etc.  Had to input them in again!

Despite the many complaints I recorded with their customer service department, their only answer was to upgrade my phone (& extend my contract for another 2 years) - not likely, the mercenary bastards!  O, the perils of purchasing an over-promised yet under-delivered product!  I now have a Sony Ericsson mobile on the Optus network which has a 3.2 megapixel camera.  All is now well.  The universe is in balance.  Peace has been restored.

Picure originally uploaded by from heidi.

Foot in mouth #273

Ravi & I were shopping for cars this lunchtime.  A nice salesman came up to us & started asking us questions about what we were looking for.  Then he directed us to a section of the car yard, communicating his spiel without losing a beat.  Anyway I noticed that he was directing most of his technical banter to Ravi.  Then he turns to me & asks, "Do you have a colour preference?"  Colour?  Is that all I can contribute to the conversation?  Colour??  (Notice the 2 question marks!  And the exclamation mark!)  Anyway, while he resumed talking to Ravi about the technological aspects, I decided to rock his world by coming up with a few techno words of my own.  Conversation transcribed below.  Thoughts italicised.

Clare:  (Interrupts conversation between Ravi & car salesman)  So . . . does this car have tektronic capability?

Salesman:  Do you mean 'tiptronic'?

Clare: Bloody hell!

Salesman & Ravi laugh.

Clare:  Bloody Ravi . . . has he not learned from the 'clapping in church' incident about his loyalty issues???

Picture originally uploaded by amboire.

Clare = 1; Email Etiquette Violator = 0

I'm a big believer in email etiquette!  Case in point - on Wednesday, at the end of a particularly belligerent day at work (so I wasn't in the best mood) I was on the receiving end of email etiquette of the worst kind.  A customer service rep wanted to change an aspect of one of our products but IT instructed her to get my sign-off before they commit to that change.  I have pasted part of the transcript detailing my dialogue with the Email Etiquette Violator (EEV).  My thoughts are italicised.

EEV:  Hi Clare, Please refer help desk job and email below.  Can you please confirm that 3 yrs IO is available on this product so that IT may change in Portal.  Many thanks.

Clare:  We only offer 5 or 10 year IO periods.  There is no flexibility in that regard.

EEV:  Hi Clare,  Is it possible that you can organise to have this communicated to all relevant parties??  Many of our internal departments ie: Customer Service, Loan Admin and Op's were not aware that IO periods had become restricted to the 5 and 10 year options only on the new product range.  Many thanks.

Clare:  (Oh, hell no, did she just hit me with 2 question marks in quick succession?!!!)  It is very clear on the product matrix that should be distributed to you via your department head.  Are you referencing a current copy of the product matrix?  On the X loans the IO period is only "5 or 10 years."  It does not state "up to 10 years."  I'm not sure where this is coming from but you are the only person who has come forward about this confusion!!  (That'll teach her to use her double question marks!  I'll call your double question marks with my double exclamation marks!!)

Needless to say, she called me straight afterwards, all conciliatory nervous giggles, wanting to explain her perspective by way of appeasement.  Then I received an email from her boss, blaming his newbie-ness on not keeping his team abreast of all product developments I initiate.  Maybe he saw her double question marks & went "Oh-oh."  The **** hit the fan alright!

Picture originally uploaded by QuestionJosh.

The Future Is Coming!

What's in the box?  The future!  And what a future!  Last night I took part in a demonstration of a new technology created by Mick & the company he works for.  We were a group of about 13 guests which included myself, Ravi, Rowan, Kathey & Russell.  Mick and his work colleague conducted the demonstration.  Until its launch (very soon) we are all sworn to secrecy but I have to say, it is brilliant!  I can definitely see it seamlessly being integrated in our lifestyles.  It's amazing how simple it is too.  Who was it that said, "The simplest ideas are always the best?"  I'm so excited for you, Mick!  You're a great ambassador for Ginger Kids!